Best of the Police Report Sept 1- 21

This week's report had an animal orientation with a rural flavor that included six hay bales and a mattress lost on local roads:


Sept 21, ---- : "Cows loose in the middle of South Maple Street at 12:58AM were not located by police. At 1:40AM, police found the owner attempting to corral them." [Hadley]

Sept 21, 2:09PM: "A fox missing much of its fur was seen in a field near Middle Street " [Hadley]

Sept 5 2:10PM: " Police took a report of a terrier type dog wandering in the area of Puffton Village wearing a sweater."

Sept 1, 7:09AM: " A woman was seen sleeping on top of a bicycle on Belchertown Road. Police found the woman , who was just trying to locate a piece of the bicycle that had fallen from her bicycle."

Sept 5 , ---- : " Ongoing problems were reported by a Mill Valley resident who said neighbors might be stealing items, including shoes."


If the date selection and sequences seem odd to you, they are.

Rock God From Planet Z

This un-retouched photo was taken by an amateur photographer yesterday just past the beaver dams on the Amherst Belchertown side of the Norwottuck bicycle path. Can this be real? Is this an invasion? Do you see how the green things appear to be landing? I don't think they are here for the foliage! There's more.....

Three miles away I found the rock pictured below. It is so unusual to my New England trained eye that I am convinced it is from another planet. My geologist friends [who have not actually seen the rock] laugh at me, and say it is simply a glacial erratic. That could explain how it got to the bicycle path, but what about those pockets? My geologic imagination sees them as trapped gas bubbles in cooling molten material from a thousand million years ago when volcanos were sending lava all over Amherst, Pelham, and Hadley. After that a broken piece of lava was smoothed down to its current size by waves on the beach of Lake Hitchcock. Finally, a glacier delivered it to the bicycle path, like all the other rocks around here.

However, given evidence of swamp hovering UFO's , I prefer the more reasonable proposition that green spheroid seekers from Planet Z, have ventured across nebulae, galaxies, and time warps in search of a great god, prophesied in their planetary lore. Now they have found their beloved lost god who wandered off Planet Z eons ago, behind the Hampshire Mall ... IN OUR BACKYARD!

Geologists, you are accustomed to outrageous propositions! Please weigh in....

Blue Heron in Hadley?

No its not a turkey! Unless they are reproducing madly, this blue heron has wandered into Hadley from the swamp on the Amherst Belchertown side of the Norwottuck bicycle path. I found him flying and walking along a water-filled ditch between the corn and the bicycle path behind the Hampshire Mall near Target, near where Walmart wants to build a megastore.

Shouldn't the local Walmart and Target be encouraging more customers like this by emulating the Chicago Walmart branch which is greening their 67,000 square foot roof,
creating more habitat?

Immigrant Nation - Massachusetts Style

A moment of anti-immigrant Massachusetts shame that happened almost a hundred years before Sacco and Vanzetti has been ressurected. The 1st Annual Western Mass CeltFest, taking place at Look Park this Saturday (the 23rd) is "inspired by the execution of two Irish immigrants in Northampton 200 years ago. James Halligan and Dominic Daley.... [who ] were convicted and executed in 1806 for the murder of Marcus Lyons of Wilbraham....[and] were eventually exonerated by Governor Michael Dukakis [a Greek] on St. Patrick's Day in 1984." The event hopes to increase community awareness of how prejudice, bigotry and racial animosity can influence thought, social behavior and government action.

In God we trust, but sometimes you need a really great lawyer, and even at that, you are not going to get that fair trial, eh? Could someone at least get the Irish Sacco & Vanzetties their post-humous recognition on Wikipedia???

Best of the Police Report August 29 - 30

Interspersed with numerous incidents of minors in possession of alcohol, violations of the town keg, open container and noise bylaws, [welcome back minors!] were these equally minor, and not terribly interesting incidents:

August 29... 5:11AM ...Bushes, a car, and the front porch were all found covered with toilet paper at a Northampton Road location.

August 30... 10:48AM ...Two men crawling through the window of a South Prospect Street home checked out OK.

August 30... 1:57PM ...A Jeffrey Lane resident was notified that her dogs were again loose and chasing cows.


Far more interesting were the Fire Department's calls to duty for dozens of incidents of smoke alarms triggered by paint, steam, and bad cooking, including two incidents of burnt popcorn.

Pipczynski Szawjkowski Wojtowicz Szafir Wysinski & Howe

Dominating the obituaries in the Amherst Bulletin this week were these honorable nonagenerians of the Polish community:

Cecylia Pipczynski Szawjkowski, 99
Born in Hadley, daughter of Andrzej and Zofia Soldanski Pipcsynski...moved back to Poland when she was three...oldest resident in town of Hadley....holder of a Gold Cane from the town...survived two husbands, Walter Szwajkowski and Jozef Budka...survived by 17 grandchildren, 37 great-grandchildren, and 11 great-great-grandchildren, nieces and nephews, daughter Veronica Kozalkowski of Hadley,two sons Piotr and Josef Szwajkowski both of Poland.

Edward M. Wojtowicz, 90
Born in 1915, son of Teofil and Mary Ziobro Wojtowicz....lifelong resident of Amherst... well known contractor and home builder with brothers, Stanley and Ted...served in the US Navy from 1936 to 1939, and 1943 to 1945 in the Pacific...famous for his tomatoes, strawberries, and raspberries which he sold from a roadside stand..loved fly fishing...met Ted Williams...maintained a tree farm in Leverett...was always seen around town driving his red pickup truck...and is survived by Louise, his wife of 63 years.

Statia Szafir Wysinski, 90
Born in Hadley, 1916 ....daughter of Stanly and Anna Antosz Szafir... moved to Northampton upon marriage to Joseph Wysinski a fireman for the city...worked in the cafeteria of the Northampton school system...lifelong communicant of St. John Cantilus Church in Northampton...survived by daughter Nancy Wysinski,and many nieces, nephews, great-nieces, great-nephews, and cousins.


Scrabble enthusiasts, weep. The Polish have us beat in consonants...and in potatoes, polka, and passing on. Way to go, wonderful lives, great stories -- and thanks for leaving us the "Q".

Polish Potatoes of the Pioneer Valley

The Pioneer Valley is full of Polish people. You've seen their names: Kuzmeskus school busses, Kozikowski and Szawlowski on potato trucks. If you have more pictures of Polish-ness in the Pioneer Valley, I would love to hear from you!

Best of the Amherst Police Report -- August 18 - 23

Interspersed with numerous reports of noisy students, sick raccoons, loose dogs, dogs locked in cars, and suspicious activity found to be gone when police got there, were these, as compiled by Scott Merzbach in the Amherst Bulletin of September 15, 2006:

August 18. 4:12PM ... A man jogging on Bridge Street told police he was nipped on his shorts by two loose poodles.

August 18. 9:25PM... Police got a report of a man lying in a parking space on North Pleasant Street and giving women a hard time while they tried to park their car there.

August 19. 2:09AM... A man attempting to hitchhike while standing in the middle of College street was moved to the sidewalk.

August 20. 10:20PM... A man who claimed he was hit in the face with a gun and robbed of his wallet and had to get away by swimming across Puffer's Pond was found stuck in the weeds and mud at the edge of the pond.

August 22. 8:03PM... Police took a report of people throwing batons that were on fire on the Town Common. Police determined they were professional flame jugglers.

August 23. 12:29PM... People opening boxes of honey at the Fiber Art Center found one with a ticking sound inside it. Police determined it was a defective music box shipped with the honey.

Canadian Crime: SUV Kidnapping: :

The second installment in the series. ...Just when you thought it was safe to drive in Canada: this one.

Canadian Crime: Boatjacking Bears

The terrorist threat is clear: Canadian bears have graduated from gateway misdemeanors like garbage picking to perfectly felonious assault: boatjacking:

Marty Descoteaux sees the beasts often near the city of Elliot Lake, about 150 kilometres west of Sudbury. So he wasn't surprised last month to spot one swimming near his boat on Esten Lake, just outside the city.

When Descoteaux reached rocks he looked back and was shocked to see his 5-metre aluminum boat speed past. While the bear was exploring the boat, it had hit the throttle.

The pilotless craft ran in circles for a half-hour until it ran out of gas. Descoteaux, 35, swam out 21/2 kilometres to recover the boat and had to use its electric trolling motor to slowly glide back to shore.

-Toronto Star Aug 2, 2006

Better Know a Zip Code ????

What are the chances Stephen Colbert will create a new feature called "Better Know a Zip Code", and interview me for 01002?

With more than 43,000 zip codes.... well, do the math... this fellow has memorized 30,000 of these zip codes!

Help, dear readers?????

Andrew Honors Emily

Andrew Sullivan, normally a political blogger, digressed to spring time, and chose my words to caption his lovely blossoms. Thank you, Andrew!

Brokeback Mountain Sheep

These sheep are from Amherst. They and the sheepdogs were the stars of the Sheep Dog Trials held here last year in October. But whose sheep starred in Brokeback Mountain?

I searched the credits, and found not a single mention of those sheep who, I have to say, made the movie. They deserved an Oscar, or at least some credit.

The Bagpipe Who Didn't Say No

Emily recommends The Bagpipe Who Didn't Say No. Other very sweet Shel Silverstein poems, sure to please the young at heart, are available on this poetry afficianados site.

Twas' the Evening of Solstice

Twas the evening of solstice, when all through the tribe,
Not a creature was stirring, not even the scribe.
While others were busy, driving their cars,
Faithful old pagans, were viewing earth’s star.

In a field out in Amherst, in ice, stone and snow,
We’d gathered and waited amid stones we would know.
When up on the ice, there rose such a clatter
We turned to the center, to see what was the matter,

She was booted and hatted, and holding a broom,
Speakers, and candles, and umbrella of moons.
“Gather good pagans, in the sunwheel of stone,
Where solstice and sun, mark winter’s full bloom.”

The sun dropped a notch, And further she spake,
Of her words and her waving, much one could make.
“The sun arcs the lowest, this shortest of days,
The sun seems the stillest, from our earthly gaze.”

Our feet were quite frozen, as we slipped and we played,
Watching our shadows, past sun’s fading rays.
Then came the time, when sun lit the rink,
Orange stone setting, past purple and pink.

We all rested quiet as sun slipped away,
Secure in belief of return the next day.
We raised up our flasks, libations we drank,
We clapped in the sunwheel, to send up our thanks.

The priestess spun round with twinkle and wink,
“The solstice makes sense, if only you think.
Come back for the moon, it rises tonight.
“Happy Solstice to all, and to all a good night.”

Worth Twenty Thousand?

"Twenty Thousand" is a modern O'Henry, a "Gift of the Magi" set in 2005. An impoverished mother with toddler and infant, drives the snowy NH Turnpike in a desperate trip to beg money from her parsimonious husband at his National Guard station. With her last dollar, a coin of great sentivmental value, she pays the toll. When the couple try to retrieve the old coin, the toll collector won't give it up.

The husband blames his wife for losing it. "You shouldn’t have spent it."

This story appeared in The New Yorker this week, and I have not been able to find it online. Good luck, its a great story.

Better Know a Pol

I've adapted perfectly modern political life! I watch the Daily Show and the Colbert Report and I have memorized the names of all the Senators, finding that three states are represented exclusively by women -- I did want to participate in the legislature in my own day.

*SiGH*!!

Checking In To The Library?

Most people check out of the library. Well today I checked in at the Jones Library.

Emily Dickinson scholars head straight to Special Collections where my best bits are archived. I am working on a "Big Trees" project, which would make some of the living giants in Amherst, Sunderland, Hatfield, etc, like little doorways onto an earlier time.

Tevis and Kate overwhelmed me with special catalogs, indices, bibliographies, microfiches, books, journals, manuscripts and ephemera relating to local history. The Amherst Bulletin and its antecedents are indexed to 1776!

Called Back

I would like to thank the wonderful people who maintain the Dickinson family plot in Amherst. And to whomever left the little yellow bird on the tree --- thank you!

I am overwhelmed and flattered, too, by the attention paid to me by the 'bloggers' --- whose company, by the good graces of Clarissa, I have joined.

I enjoy the speculation on whether I would have been a blogger in the 1850's .. such a thought when we barely had electricity! Back then, the telegraph, dear readers, was our internet! But I am here, now, and writing again.

I Have Returned

It has been some time, dear readers, since my birth, December 10, 1830. One hundred seventy five years is not a blink, yet it is not so very long ago. I was so touched by the wonderful birthday celebrations yesterday. What wonderful roses! Thank you, devotees. I hope you are all pleased that I have finally come home.

After the festivities Clarissa, a dear dear friend of Lavinia's, who keeps up with the times, described to me the modernities that have come to pass in the hundred or so, well, hundred and nineteen years since my passing. From Edison to Gates --- yes, it is a new age! A Renaissance, and I am drawn to it.